Everyone has Wings or Tires. Chose the Tires

I know people who have been in the same of workplace all of their lives.  I worked for state government for 22 years.  Yup, a few more year, and that huge pension would have received, that everyone was waiting for.   Same things day after day. After so many years of people being there, they would cross off on a calendar, how many days they would have until retirement.  It was like doing time in prison.   Co-workers became family, shit, I knew more about them than I did my own family.   Who is

Co-workers became family, shit, I knew more about them than I did my own family.   Who is getting a divorce, who are having problems, who is pregnant but doesn’t want anyone to know, but comes and tell me, who is addicted to pills, who doesn’t know what to do about a situation, and it all came into my office?  Why, my supervisor, said, “You have all  the right answers for them.”  Giving the best attorney for divorces, advice on a relationship; I was married three times already. Children, I had one I raised on my own, that gave me not one problem growing up.  Everyone would say, “you are so lucky” it had nothing to do with luck.  It was the fear of God I put into her, and the father that was absent but would rear his head if needed. bought my own house at 46 and lived well.  Also worked two jobs, making sure I loved them both.  Working for a dinner/nightclub as hostess for a friend was great.  Yup, fourteen hour days.  Then doing real estate part-time.   Had to, I used to the finer things in life and my daughter wanted them too.  House, new Passat, fur coats, vacations, etc.  work hard play, hard.

All in two years time:

One day, I walked into work, and alway heard my great friend, say “good morning,” it was 7:30 am, I would reply back with the nickname I gave him, Craigo. This guy could have retired,  three years ago at 62, he put in 38 years, but he had to put his last daughter through college.  I told him, screw the degree, it means nothing today.  So, I get no ‘Good Morning back” this day. Maybe he called out sick, he said he was coming down with a cold.  Five minutes later, my Supervisor came into my office and looked very solemn, all Engineers do, but this was different.  He said to me, “Craig died last night”,  WHAT?  He repeated it.  A man, that had a Viet Nam a cough all his life got pneumonia and just died.  I was in slow motion.  My boss left I remained frozen and stared at my wall.  Didn’t realize all field people were in their office, you can hear a pin drop.  Our Craigo was gone, no “good mornings’ after 20 years of them.  Mind you these were co-workers, people I saw every day, and knew their inner secrets.

My friend, which I left the section of the Department I was in, always had fibroids, and couldn’t have children.  She didn’t mind, she and her husband of loved to travel.  She went for check up every 6 months.  Nothing of the 8 years I knew her.  3 months after these so called Dr’s of our wonderful medical field found a small spot on the back of a large fibroid.  Three months, Helen said good-bye.

Dave, from Enforcement.  Getting into shape ran every day, the high school track nearby, massive heart-attack, 46 years old.

Raymond, nearly retired, one more year, shopping with his wife in New York for Christmas, fell on the street in New York, another massive heart attack.

On the home-front,  in the next year, starting of the year New Year off with a wonderful January.   March winds come, changing everything.  My daughter, the father, my ex-husband, dies in Disney Land with his wife and her child.  I am trying to hold everyone together, forgetting about myself, after 23 years of not being married, I thought I could do the arrangements, no one else can.  His wife, who I loved asked me too.  “Claudia, I just can’t do it”.  Here we go.

May,  keeping this death from his elderly grandmother, that was in an assistant living, asking why Robert wasn’t coming, to see her, I believe she figured it out.  After we believed she did. Grandma Venzengina was gone.

A very good friend of mine, who lived down the street, and was always over my house, to eat, watch, tv, go out to dinner with, loved my daughter to death, it’s like he was a father role model for her, she loved him.   He asked me to take him to Tufts Hospital in Boston, one day.   I without hesitation, said absolutely, why?  Oh, I have to have simple a procedure, I will be home tomorrow, it’s in and out surgery.   I told my boss and left.   That was Friday.   This good friend of mine, told my daughter to know a 21-year-old young lady, how much he loved me and wished we could be more than friends.  I want your mother beside me, the day I die.  Well, Dibby got his wish.  His small procedure went awry, they had to put a shunt in his liver to release fluid building up, and it rejected it.  After another day, I felt life leave his hand.

I went into work, stunned.  I told my Supervisor and told him, I am giving you my notice.  Shocked he said, what?  You have set up this entire program and no one knows how to use it.  This is why I am offering 30 days, not two weeks.  I was adamant.

I put my house up for sale, it sold in four days.  Got in my car with my dog and stray cat my neighbor never let in when it was below zero, and drove south until I couldn’t go anymore.   With no plans.  I lived in Naples for 10 years and never we went back to RI, no one is left.  Other friends have died since then.  I hold all of the in memory.

So don’t stay where you are because that is what you are supposed to do according to society planned for us, or the morals and ethics that were embedded, infused from schools teachers and everyone.

Do what you want to do one day, you may have wings unexpectedly, I know we all will but I made the right choice, I chose wheels to drive.









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