I really don’t know how to explain this coincidence, or was it. I will convey it the best I can, so maybe I can understand it also.
In the games of this life we live, there isn’t a way at least I believe at my age, to meet someone you at least enjoy their company, let alone have a common ground. I branch out after five years, of being a soul, alone, working on Spirituality, I find myself on a friggin dating site. As I go through bio’s and pictures, I swipe left; no, no, nope, right, no, come on, you have got to be kidding me, holding a fish, propped up against their Mustang, or Harley, at least let him have a presence.
Swipe left, swipe left, swipe; pause, baseball hat, and that smile. I read, the bio, it spoke to me, although not much said, and then his age, 69. If this guy is 69, I want and will do whatever he is drinking and doing, and that is what I wrote to him; “whatever you are drinking, I want some.”
My thoughts were, just another guy without anything to say, and goes on what he had, his looks and his ride maybe picture’s taken 15 years ago. Also, his persona, seeping through his pictures, didn’t say, southern man. More like Chicago, NY, Boston. Those ‘Boyz in Leather Jackets’ my home. It said he came from, Wilmington, NC. Bullshit, not this guy. Swiped right. Bing, a match. Shit. Only me, a lying asshole, with a nice bike and a picture, probably from the 90’s the way he looked. He wasn’t nowhere looking 69 in the pictures, no fucking way. A full head of hair that was tied back in a tail, and down it was thick and curls forever with shine, a body lean, not a wrinkle just a few laugh lines of life, no 69-year-old gutt on him and then, that smile. This is a freak of nature or just a really good con.
Not, being on the dating site much, days later I picked it up, nothing. I swiped a few times and said, this is bullshit. I will meet someone like I did my first husband in the 70’s when everyone was cool, and forward. I met him in traffic at a red light. Yes, a traffic light, the day of the American Cup races in Newport, RI. Hence, the leather jacket and cool bike. My second thought, you know, after five years of being alone working on my own journey, you think I would learn, no more boyz in leather jackets. Done.
If anything at all, in the last five years, I have learned to be alone and I loved it. So be it, if I meet a friend, that would be so cool. To do things with, lunch, beach, get into each other’s minds, how deep of a soul he had, was he a diver in life or just a skimmer. These are the things I was looking for, not a hookup. Who wanted it after five years, it was on the back burner; sex, overrated. I had it most my life, the end result was the same, it was the getting there that counted. Just, maybe someone, to connect with give big and little hugs when needed and talk on the floor looking at the ceiling, cloud watching, and listening to rain with a little soft jazz in the background. Or get rip-roaring drunk and pee our pants together from laughing.
Living on this so-called island of Southport, was just what I needed. Came here on an adventure to reboot from the beaten I took of life. To find a home; with silence and places to be alone and feel complete. I go to bed, pick up my phone and out of curiosity, went to the site. There it was, so formal, so robotic, so detached, words only a distant man, a disconnected man could write. Like a script. “Would you like to get together and go for a ride.” Sure. Gave the digits. The phone rings days later. “Hello, this is Billy, I was thinking maybe Tuesday, oh wait, I can’t that day, Thursday will be a good day for a bike ride.” Fine, fit me in, I am only a face on a screen with no soul, and could be available at any time, just for you Mr. Man.
The day comes, I hear his super-glide pull-up. I walk down the stairs and say, Billy? He took off his helmet and shades…..69 my ass. This guy is like 55 tops. I blurted out, are you sure your 69? Yes, why, July I will be 70. “Well, jump back-I am gonna kiss myself, say what”. (James Brown) I don’t know if I felt comfortable getting on a motorcycle or if it was him. It was him. He felt like the second skin, I have been missing. Putting my legs against his body tightly, as you would on the back of a motorcycle as a passenger, seemed like I knew this guy for so long. Comfortable.
A nice ride to the shoreline, looking for a place for lunch. People looking at us, like the Mayor was coming through the sleepy town. It was the bike, or maybe us. All in leather and boots, NY style. Not Dockers and boat shoes. Nope, it was the Vintage Indian glide. A man of, well I don’t know now because if Billy was near 70, this guy could have been 90. He came running up to us, yelling “Can I take a picture of your bike?” With that smile, Billy said, of course, you can. It wasn’t just a smile this time, it was a person, that really enjoyed seeing an elderly man, an enthusiast of bikes, in his day, be so excited to see an Indian of light teal and beige with all the leather brown saddle bags and extras. It was the man’s excitement that Billy was engaged in and nothing else. A soul lives in there, a soul with the smile.
Fun and playful as I always am, showing the surface of the playful, tomboy, I can be. I thought he was playing too. The usual questions at lunch, and laughter and comments, we both agreed upon, the environment we were in. Three hours go by, still chatting and laughing. In the back of my mind, a boy from the hood, or a spark of emotions playing cat and mouse.
The bike ride home, to my place. I just moved in and had a ‘bubble bed’ and was waiting for furniture. Literally here five days. He met my dog, he was laying down on the planks of the deck to greet my long-haired dachshund. Like babbling teenagers were, we both said repeatedly, “I had a great day; This is all we said to each other, “I had a great day, “I really enjoyed myself,” both of us leaning on the front deck of the house looking for more pictures to show me his pets, he calls me over to show me his cat pictures, I lean towards his phone and there it was, not a cat picture, but a text message that snapped on the screen with all hearts, lips, X’s and O’s, while he was flipping through his phone to show me cat pictures. I leaned back, it was none of my business. Another guy in a leather jacket. It seemed like his body language just got ridged and wanted to exit. Which he did. He got on his bike, and once again said: “I had a great day, but I really don’t feel like we are a match.” Cool, I hope friends, because I did have a great time, and that is where I will keep it.
After five years of being alone, working on all my issues, of relationships, oneness, being happy with myself, I wasn’t going to make this day, interfere with all my work. Walking away after him leaving, I felt a little piece of me, drive off on that bike.
Hopefully, he took a piece of that fun-filled day with him as I did. So, I opened the drawer of my mind and put the day in ‘the good time’ draw. It happened, it’s mine, and I get to keep it. It was a great day.
The next day, I get a text, “Hi Claudia, it’s Billy, I am going to New Orleans for two weeks, will call when I get back.” Like why? Oh, that’s right, a friend he was looking for, and I too just got mixed signals. I left it at that.
Two weeks go by, emails flood in, with all writings he had written. He was an educational teacher of writing. Not one mention of New Orleans, it was none of my business anyway. I met this dude once. They e-mails sent were so profound and emotional, so unlike him. He was bearing his soul. I finally get to meet Billy, through his writings of essays. After e-mailing back and forth for days, he came to visit. A month after last seeing him. Among the e-mails we discovered, we both were into the Law of Attraction, Abraham-Hicks, Buddhism; with all other different spiritual awakenings. Common grounds. We talked for hours on our second visit, quite different than our first encounter. I felt at home in my Spiritual world. Nothing more, than we were vibrating on the same or almost the same plateau.
Now I started seeing him in a totally different light. A brother, a brother of my world. Nothing physical. I mean I can lay next to this guy, and see his soul without touching him which I think is the best feeling in the world.
But, the feminine side of me has awakened and I need human touch again, even without defaulting with the sexual ravishings; just touching of skin on skin; or have I shed that skin on my Spiritual journey.
Swipe left, swipe right.
Nah, I am, and I will be.